The Truth about becoming Free

Today I wanted to share something that's been on my heart for a while. I'm telling you this so that the truth can be known instead of a twisted version of it. This is straight from the original source: me, the person who lived it.

My life isn't perfect. For the last several years, I've been a designer & an artist. In the past, I worked as a nude model. It was my job at one point, several years ago. 

Have you passed out yet? NO? Ok, keep reading.

In my earlier years, my life as a young girl was a happy one; I'm NOT a victim of abuse or a sad home life--in fact, I had a great family and still do! I've always been a straight-A student. I've never done drugs and never cared for alcohol much, but, I got caught up in a bad decision. I'm not going to justify it. It wasn't an easy thing to do--but at the time, it meant that I would eat, have a place to live and go to school--all on my own dime. My parents are not well off and were never able to help me financially, which in turn put a burden on me to support myself entirely. I had no role model, never experienced any abuse, just a longing desire to do something with my life, and I knew I needed money to get to that point. So, I posed nude to make money. More importantly, I quit after a short while because deep down I felt convicted. I started to feel unimportant and not valued.

The point is, I made a bad decision, and I'm aware of it. If I could turn back time, I would. However, I can't beat myself up, and I refuse to continue to feel shame. The reason is because I think back to what Jesus did for me, for us. He died for all the wrong decisions I made in my life and will make. But if I continue to live in hurt and shame, that would mean he died in vain. A story that resonates with me is the story of Jesus and the immoral woman found in Luke 7:36-50 where Jesus says to the woman: "Your faith has saved you; go in peace."

What Jesus said to that woman is what I feel now: at peace. This letter to all of you was the last bit of darkness I needed to reveal in order to be set free. It's interesting that the few people who tried to "expose" my PAST will now have nothing to talk about. I'm no longer going to feel shame for something I am NO LONGER DOING. God has blessed me with a tremendous amount of love, support, a wonderful Christian church here in NYC and a great business. That is why I continue to lift up his name.

From "SHE" by Kobi Yamada

I hope that women out there who are struggling with money, feeling devalued or lacking hope, can read this and be inspired. Women, who are working as models or in any industry that is looked down upon, should know that they are smart and capable and that God has a purpose for their lives, too. You don't need to feel hopeless or continue to feel shame.

For those people who have tried to taunt me through threats of exposure, you cannot touch me.

"Even though you planned evil against me, God planned good to come out of it. This was to keep many people alive, as he is doing now." (Genesis 50:20)

For the last few years, I've been living God's purpose for my life. I have NO intention of ever going back to modeling, because today I live for Christ--everything else I've let go. Some of you may be shocked, some of you may not care, some of you may relate and some of you may understand that none of us is perfect and that we all make mistakes and bad decisions. The only difference is my bad decisions were made public, therefore,  I also decided to make my truth public. I feel God pressing me to do this now, and I know this is his way of taking the evil intentions and turning it into good. I always knew that I would have to talk about this; I just needed to be ready and strong. Today, I feel that strength which I know comes from Him.

If anyone is truly affected by this and feels the need to discontinue their online friendship with me, you are free to do so. If you are 'not satisfied' with my testimony about my past, then you are free to never visit my blog/site again.  Labeling me or calling me names - is not my problem, but yours.  I have moved past this and hopefully you will respect the situation and do the same.  I will let my current work (MadeByGirl) speak for itself.

When I look at past provocative images of me,  I know it’s me, but I don't feel a connection to that "past" anymore. This scripture explains it quite well, when Jesus said "Behold, I make all things new." (Revelations 21:5)

I'm a new person. My intention is to continue to create a strong impression on women; a positive effect. A friend told me yesterday "Let God finish the masterpiece that he started." So I am.

In light of all this, and to focus on the good, I would like to offer 20% off on MadeByGirl products for the next **3 days*. 100% of the profit for all 3 days, will go to both Children's Cup - an organization serving the needs of the poor children in Africa offering opportunity for them to go to school + more & Women’s Initiative - an organization empowering and assisting low-income women to become financially independent. Just use the coupon code FREEDOM at checkout. Thank you.

* MadeByGirl products only, accessories and products from other designers are not included, sorry.
* expires aug 30th, 2012